Look, I Was a People-Pleaser
Let me tell you something about myself. I used to be the worst kind of yes-man. Not the kind that kisses up to the boss, but the kind that says yes to every favor, every request, every tiny little thing anyone asked of me. It started in college, back in ’98 at NYU. My roommate, let’s call her Marcus, would always say, “Sarah, can you help me with this?” And I’d be like, “Sure, no problem!” Even if I had a paper due at 11:59pm.
Fast forward to 2005, I’m working at a magazine in Chicago. My editor, Dave, asks me to take on this huge project on top of my regular workload. I say yes, of course. I’m the idiot who worked 36 hours straight to meet a deadline. And for what? A “good job” and a pat on the back?
It wasn’t until my therapist, Dr. Linda, pointed out the obvious. “Sarah, you’re drowning. And you’re drowning because you can’t say no.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.
So I Started Saying No
It was hard at first. Really hard. I felt guilty. I felt like I was letting people down. But then I realized something. By saying yes to everything, I was letting myself down. I was committing to things I didn’t want to do, didn’t have time for, and honestly, didn’t care about.
I started small. A coworker asks me to cover their shift? No. A friend wants me to help them move on a Sunday? No. My mom wants me to come over for dinner when I have plans? You guessed it, no.
And you know what? The world didn’t end. In fact, it got better. I had more time for the things I wanted to do. I had more energy. I was happier. It’s like this website iş yaşam dengesi stratejileri says, it’s all about balance. And saying no is a big part of that.
But Here’s the Thing…
Saying no isn’t always easy. It’s not always straightforward. Sometimes, it’s downright awkward. Like that time I had to tell my boss, “No, I can’t work late tonight.” Or when I had to say no to my best friend’s wedding because, frankly, I couldn’t afford it.
But here’s the thing. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to have boundaries. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s necessary. It’s committment to your own well-being. It’s physicaly and emotionaly healthy.
And if people don’t like it? Well, that’s their problem, not yours. You can’t please everyone. And honestly, you shouldn’t even try.
A Tangent: The Art of the White Lie
Now, I’m not saying you should be ruthlessly honest. Sometimes, a little white lie can go a long way. Like when your coworker asks if you’d be interested in joining their book club, and you’re like, “Oh, I’m already in two book clubs. I can’t take on any more committments.” Even if you’re not in any book clubs. It’s a harmless little fib that saves you from a lot of trouble.
But remember, it’s a slippery slope. You don’t want to be that person who lies about everything. So use the white lie sparingly, and only when necessary.
Back to the Main Point
So, how do you start saying no? It’s not easy. It takes practice. It takes determing what’s important to you and what’s not. It takes realizing that you can’t do everything, and that’s okay.
Start small. Say no to the little things. Say no to the things that don’t matter. Say no to the things that drain you. And gradually, you’ll build up the confidence to say no to the bigger things. The things that really matter.
And remember, it’s okay to feel guilty. It’s okay to feel like you’re letting people down. But don’t let those feelings control you. Don’t let them stop you from saying no. Because in the end, you’re the one who has to live with the consequences. You’re the one who has to deal with the physicaly and emotionaly exhaustion. You’re the one who has to find a way to balance it all.
So, say no. Say it loud. Say it proud. And watch as your life becomes a little bit easier, a little bit more balanced, and a whole lot happier.
About the Author
Sarah Johnson is a senior magazine editor with over 20 years of experience. She’s a self-proclaimed workaholic, a recovering people-pleaser, and a firm believer in the power of saying no. When she’s not editing articles or writing her own, she can be found reading, hiking, or spending time with her family. She lives in Chicago with her husband, two kids, and a very spoiled dog.
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